Last year was an epic fall from the pedestal I lived on in outer space.  My life was teetering on the fence of a mental breakdown and by the start of 2025 my primary food groups were already alcohol and nicotine.  The environment was primed to help me stumble out of grace and blast through rock bottom like a cannonball falling through a glass floor.

By this time last year I couldn’t go a day sober without terrifying hallucinatory withdrawals.  I didn’t only live here and now but lived simultaneously in countless universes far, far away.  I’ve now been clean and sober since April of 2025 and after a hard and depressing year, began finding my way back to a lifestyle I can be proud of.

In late December I convinced myself to go back to the gym and I’ve been going as often as I can ever since.  My typical schedule is two days on and one day off and I’ve officially been back at it for two months now.  Compared to working out in 2024 and into the start of 2025 I’ve been amazed at the change in quality.  To wake up, have breakfast, and go to the gym without a hangover was like a culture shock from the gods.

A trip to the gym usually lasts between an hour and half to two hours now.  While only nine weeks into this return to fitness I’ve started noticing some changes.  Something that was long lost for me as a sedentary, alcoholic software engineer was a lack of tightness in the midsection and an overall ignorance of strengthening my core region at all.

For two months now I’ve opened every work out with a dedicated core warm up before diving into weights.  After a few weeks of reminding my core that it has a job to do I was suddenly able to add significant weight to lifts that rely on core stabilization.  It felt like out of nowhere I was way stronger and it was all thanks to remembering the importance of working those core stabilizing areas.

Core work hasn’t been the only heavy hitter of course.  This shift into a fitness heavy lifestyle was also made possible by a change in diet.  I had been doing keto while sedentary but ultimately put that down as soon as I was getting more active.  I’ve been grateful to these two hour gym days for allowing me to focus on making sure I eat enough rather than worrying that I’m eating too much.

Since the start of 2026 I’ve managed an aggressive protein goal of ~175g of protein every day.  It’s crazy how even 150g of protein felt like this impossible hurdle at first and now I can destroy it while shooting for more.  By the second or third week of a consistent two day on, one day off workout schedule I found eating more protein and larger meals in general to be a much more realistic process.  This uptick in gym sessions and protein definitely required an uptick in hydration though.

Mentally I’m bouncing back now as well.  This took longer than the first couple months of 2026 but adding the physical activity and high level of hydration were keyholders here.  Recovering from living in such a dark twisted fantasy for so long hasn’t been easy.  It hasn’t happened quickly and it isn’t over yet.  I hate to say I’m taking it one day at a time but that’s really what it is.  i’ve pulled out of the depressing phase and into a period of learning to be proud of the small victories that have added up to now.

Nearly 11 months have gone by and these past two have been a reminder of how quickly you can start changing who you are in your own eyes.  A year ago I couldn’t go a day without alcohol without sacrificing my safety and now it’s been almost a year since I quit. 

This is my return to grace and my farewell to 2025.